Emotions

Fickle things, aren't they? As varied as the colors in the spectrum, too. Some are dull, and some are potently vivid. For me, the dull ones can be borne with minimal difficulty -- in fact, they comprise the majority of my daily emotional experience. Being able to deal with dull emotions is an advangtage in times where the bright emotions come few and far between. However, my prolonged exposure has left me weak and unbalanced. I have, and have always had, a very poor arsenal of tools to deal with extreme emotions, or even emotions that are just intense. Happiness, in any degree, is a good thing, and I don't need to deal with happiness; it's the darker emotions that get me when they're intense.

Frustration, Fury, Extreme Remorse, Painful Sorrow, all of these come into my life at one time or another. Usually, it's once in a long while that they arrive at my emotional doorstep. Any time they do, though, it's hard. Some know breathing excercises and meditation. Some have reliable, trustworthy friends they can talk to. Some know just the right music to release and calm themselves. Me? I know maybe one or two songs for Fury, and they only get half of the job done. I have but one cure-all tool that works, but at a price. Physical pain usually does the trick for me, but it's certainly not the best out there. It's probably one of the worst. Depending on how vivid the emotion, this tool has the potential to lead to injury, although it seldom has, and never in any severity.

I've never drawn my own blood or broken my own bones to deal with this stuff, but recently I felt the most fury I had felt in a long time, and now I've got a nasty bruise on my hand, and it feels like my knuckle is sore.

I've got a diagnosis: I'm ill-equipped. I've got a prognosis: find a better outlet. I've got a problem: I don't have any idea where to start.

Dropped lines much appreciated.